sleep and funerals

Three things I’d do if I weren’t afraid:

1. get a pet bird

I am super, traumatically afraid of birds. I’m so afraid of birds that I won’t even look at one on TV. I don’t know where this fear originated from because I’ve just been afraid as long as I can remember. 

Maybe if I wasn’t so fearful of birds I could have a pet bird. They’re probably not bad creatures so I couldn’t see why I wouldn’t consider it. I love animals, but I just can’t find myself loving this particular one. So yeah, I’d probably have a pet bird.

I wonder what I would name it…hmmm

2. never have a surprise birthday party

I know this sounds weird but I can’t stand surprise birthday parties… or anything that is a surprise for that matter. My fear is not surprised birthday parties but not knowing. The unknown scares the crap out of me. This is mainly because I can’t prepare myself. I always like to be prepared. If I know it’s coming, I can prepare myself for what’s going to take place. I know it’s a horrible fear to have but, it’s something I am working on.

3. get more sleep and go to funerals

Ok, I know this one sounds pretty crazy. Why are these two together? That’s because of my fear of loneliness and abandonment. My husband works at night and I completely hate it. When he leaves, I am alone. The feeling that I am the only one in the apartment freaks me out. I will literally have either the TV or my music blasting because I can’t handle the silence. Silence reminds me that I am alone. I will become an insomniac before I fall asleep alone and that’s just how I feel about it.


Funerals are hard for me. They remind me that someone I love has left me. I can’t handle that feeling that someone is missing. My grandparents passed and I felt like the loneliest person in the world even though I had more family members surrounding me than at any family reunion or special occasion. I feel abandoned and empty without them. I’m so afraid of not having someone that I keep myself surrounded with people and I won’t go to funerals or going away parties. It scares me just that much.


If I wasn’t afraid of this, I probably would have gone to sleep that night and went to my grandmother’s funeral the next morning.

reminder about my nature.



an immoral act considered to be a transgression against divine law


The divine law is God in this instance. Sin is something you do wrong that is against God and His commandments.


Everyone sins. Even Christian’s sin. I think sometimes people forget to see that Christians are not perfect. Just because we follow certain rules and go to church almost every day doesn’t mean we are free from mistakes. We still get things wrong and we are bound to make mistakes. I can’t deny that I was born a sinner. I can’t say or act like I’m above sin because I’ve done it before. I also can’t shortchange consequences for my sins. Even though I have a relationship with God, sometimes I mess up and fail. That’s just the realness of it all.

The difference is though, we know how to get it right. We know where to seek forgiveness. We confess. Sin requires God’s forgiveness and Christ’s death allowed us to do so. We also know how to resist sin and all that comes with it. When we make the decision that we are going to live for Christ and follow His commandments that shows our change and sincerity. God loves a sincere heart.


I’m no different than you when it comes to sin. God hates ALL sin. The difference comes with how we handle our sin.



What needs to be removed from your life?



  1. negative vibes

    Cliche don’t you think? Although cliche, it’s true. This needs to be removed out of every part of my life. Not just negative vibes from other people, but negative thoughts, tendencies, materials, environments, temptations, etc. I need everything negative removed. If I take the time to surround myself with positivity, I strongly believe I will produce positivity in my life. The last post I talked about my happiness. Now, I must protect my happiness from the draining spirit that is negativity. It has to go in order to maintain my happiness.

  2. fear

    …of things, of certain emotions, of people’s thoughts, of the unknown, of abandonment etc… The list goes on. This has to be removed because it will keep me from growing and keep me from opportunities that could open for me. It will also hinder me spiritually. My fears drown me at times which affects my life in so many different ways. It has to go if I want to go anywhere.

  3. mean

    As I mature, this one seems to dwindle. I dislike the fact that some people for a long time looked at me as mean or bitter. I can’t lie. When I was younger, that was a dominant characteristic I possessed. The more I grow up and see the results of people’s kindness and sweetness, the more I want the word “mean” out of the few words that would describe me. I can confidently say that it’s more than halfway gone now. I can see a better me and better results.




This is what needs to be removed from my life.

a chapter a week: 1 John 1

My church here in Memphis, Tennessee reads a chapter of a book of the Bible every week, and the day that we have Bible Study (Tuesday) we discuss the chapter. This week was 1 John 1.


So far, this chapter has really been teaching me some things. I just want to share some of them. Here are some points that I’ve learned so far…


  1. credibility
  2. testimony
  3. confession




“That which we have seen and heard declare we unto you, that ye also may have fellowship with us: and truly our fellowship is with the Father, and with his Son Jesus Christ.”

1 John 1:3


John takes the first few verses to establish credibility. He, along with the rest of the disciples, was a witness of everything Jesus had done while in the flesh and more. At the time, his audience was low in faith because of false teachings that were given before the letter was written. So what does John do? Reassure them that their faith is not in vain.


What amazes me is how much their credibility has been passed down from generation to generation. We are still believing the things that they have witnessed. In Bible Study (My husband and I were not present, but my husband took notes from the live stream), it was said that history lessons are always best when taught and talked about by someone who actually went through it firsthand.


With that, I pose this question… Do I believe the credibility that has been passed down to me?




“And these things write we unto you, that your joy may be full.”

1 John 1:4


Along with establishing credibility, John testified about it. That’s why we have this epistle! He used what he had been through and seen to tell people about it. This was so we can experience the same God he did.


There are plenty of stories I could share of what God has done for me, yet still, I continue to be timid and afraid when the opportunity comes to tell about who God is to me and what He has done for me. I should WANT someone to experience the same God I experience every day.


Will I continue to be timid and afraid to talk about what I have witnessed of God?




“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

1 John 1:9


Confession is opening our mouths about something. I always thought that when it comes to confession as long as I thought about it I confessed to God the things I have done wrong. Lies. You have to open your mouth and SAY what you have done wrong. Then, this thought ran through my mind, “that’s too embarrassing”. But I learned after looking over my notes from Bible Study that if you are confessing sin, this means you hate it. Opening your mouth to confess no matter how embarrassed you are shows that you hate that you did it just as much as God hates that you did it. That’s sincere and genuine confession. You will even get rid of everything that caused you to do it and turn from it. That, my friends, is a crucial part of repentance.


That taught me how deep confession really is.


Do I truly confess when I need my sins forgiven?



It’s amazing how just one chapter can teach you so much. You can grab different things from each verse and learn something that will change your life. I guess I have some things I need to work on now.

Happy Now?

Are you happy now?


“Know ye that the LORD he is God: it is he that made us, and not we ourselves; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.”

Psalm 100:3


With that being said, I do believe that knowing God and who He is to me gives me happiness. This year I have been growing tremendously in my spiritual walk, and it has brought more and more happiness each and every day. It was tough getting to this point. I had obstacle after obstacle, yet after every obstacle I found happiness. One of the biggest obstacles I faced this year was my wedding.


After countless months of begging and mentioning, the love of my life proposed to me on March 25th. I spent the rest of the months up until our wedding date (July 28th) overcoming a huge fear of mine, stress. Planning for your big day is no joke. Finding money to buy materials, communicating a theme that I didn’t have in mind, and prioritizing myself were big burdens on me. Becoming an emotional wreck and burning myself out was my fear and always at the forefront of my mind. However, I got through it putting it all in God’s hands.


“Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.”

1 Peter 5:7


Because I let God have control, everything started coming together beautifully. By the time we confirmed our union, I had experienced more joy preparing than I did bumps in the road. Everything went smoothly. God showed me so much through that. He revealed how stress-free life can be when I give my stress and anxiety to Him. I live every day with that now.


I am now living with my husband while growing in marriage every day, enjoying the fellowship of a new church home, working a new job that I prayed for, preparing for an education in something I actually take joy in and learning my way around a new city. Every little thing I go through, I learn something new about God and my walk with Him.


I am growing spiritually. That’s the only happiness I seek.


Yes, I am happy now.